The Boring Bit

So as we prepare to leave Orlando and head for Miami, I thought I would give you a quick run through of what we did here.

Day Zero

Orlando airport took an hour and a half to clear because of the excessive security and immigration. Actually scrub that Orlando airport took an hour and a half to clear because of the inept organisation of security and immigration. They shold take a trip to Disney and learn about how to handle queues and large groups of people. If you are going to be paranoid about security at least hire more than two people to ‘defend your borders’ when 3 international flights come in at the same time.
We took the Disney Magical Express to our resort (Pop Century). It was neither Magical nor Express, taking a full hour thanks to a non-english speaking assistant who deleted our reservation and then helped us miss the fist bus. The bus was not Disney either..being run by the Orlando equivalent of First Bus.
Anyway we got to our resort which is basic but functional. We wanted to spend our money on activities and not a fancy hotel that we wouldn’t be in for most of the day.
Pop Century was ideal and recommended if you want to do the same.

Day 1

For our first day we decided against heading straight to the Theme Parks as we were still jet lagged and I was struggling with a cold. We went to Downtown Disney and did some shopping, ate a lovely lobster at Fultons and then took a taxi to an outlet mall. We finished it off with a lovely meal at Hooters but more of that later.
One of the things that struck me on this first full day was the level of Obesity on display. I felt malnourished next to the constant stream of wheelchair/stroller bound behemoths who littered the boardwalks and ‘Quick Service’ (formerly fast food) restaurants.
I stood behind one of these giant ladies in a queue for food. She looked like she had every ailment under the sun caused by her massive physique. She was gripping her stroller as if she was going to faint any moment. then when she got to the front of the queue and ordered two chicken dinners (for herself) she tore the server a new one for skimping on the gravy.
At times when faced with the standard food menu which contains very little in the form of low fat food or even a green vegetable you can have some sympathy for these heart attack bound leviathans but when you see them castigating a sixteen-year-old who dared to give them only one portion of gravy then it is hard to remain charitable. That and the fact most of them have mullets.

Day Two

Day 2 led us to Disney Hollywood Studios (formerly MGM) which was hugely entertaining. We arrived before the park opened and in the first two hours did three quarters of the rides we wanted to do. The Tower of Terror was tremendous even though the WoH chickened out at the last minute. We stayed late to enjoy the ‘Fantasmia’ light show which used sheets of fine mist to project animated action onto and then mix it with live action and lasers and music. Walt Disney would have been proud. This has to be seen to be appreciated.
Speaking of Walt, one of the emptiest attractions was a museum dedicated to the story of Walt and the Disney empire. The WoH and I marvelled at the vision of the man who made his parks environmentally friendly before they even opened, who had the vision to buy up a vast amount of land even if he wasn’t using it just yet. He invented new camera techniques in his animation and took the world of animatronics into new realms of possibilities by using technology.
As a businessman, his brother Roy is overlooked but his contribution and creativity should be taught at business schools across the world.
Me and the WoH were the only ones in this museum and we both thought it should have been packed out with people paying proper tribute to a great man.

Day 3

We went to Typhoon Lagoon - A Disney Waterpark and within minutes I had lost the pair of prescription swimming goggles I had waited weeks to try out. The park has one of the biggest wave machines on the planet and some of the most amazing water based rides. we also tried out the 2000 ft lazy river. A few hours in though and not only had we done everything (twice) but I had a real problem with a stomach pain that was causing me untold agony. We headed back to the hotel and I got some pills which solved the problem, leaving me fit enough to attend Arabian Nights- a dinner show featuring horses, riders and steak. Having got used to the Disney panache, queuing in a cavernous hall seemed a little bit of a let down. The show itself was impressive but the night took a rather strange turn.

MORE SOON..