Things to do with a 3-year old
It seems like many American parents are unsure of the socially acceptable places to take a screaming three year-old. As the helpful type of bloke that I am, I have compiled this handy list based on actual experiences of appropriate places to entertain a toddler.
Appropriate: Children’s play area in the park
Not appropriate: Skateboarding area in the park (Yeah..and it was the skateboarders fault he got knocked over)
Appropriate: Disneyland ‘It’s a small world’
Not appropriate: Disneyland ‘Haunted House’ (Who would have thought he would have been frightened? What are the odds?)
Appropriate: McDonalds
Not Appropriate: Any restaurant with no childrens menu, any hotel executive lounge or any designated quiet area. (The clue, you see, is in the word quiet..simple huh?)
Appropriate: Children’s science museum
Not appropriate: Planetarium at Natural History museum. (Seriously..what were they gonna learn there?)
Appropriate: Funfair at the Space Needle
Not Appropriate: The underground tour of Seattle (Again..wtf was a crying 3-year old gonna learn there?). Can also apply to a bus tour of Manhattan on the hottest day of the year.
Appropriate: Your House
Not appropriate: Anywhere else where people have paid money to listen to something that is not your screaming child.
If you would like to respond to this post along the lines of ‘ah well it’s different when you have your own’, send an e-mail to me marking the subject line: ‘I am exactly the kind of f***wit you are writing about’. I look forward to hearing from you
Tags: screamingchild, advice for parents, stupid americans, things to do in manhattan, things to do with a 3 year old
Filed under: Funny
As you know I myself have a 3 year old child and the only fun we get is taking him to places such as those described to see how pissed off we can make people who don’t have kids. It’s our way of sharing the pain of having a screaming kid - a problem shared is a problem halved and all that. We actually have a club that meet up every Tuesday night and keep in contact via internet forums where we discuss new ideas and new places to take them where we can cause the most upset to people just like you. There is a point system where bonus points are given to those parents whose 3 year old kids get people to react by writing articles and as it happens an entry on a world-wide anybody-can-read blog is worth a massive 50 points. Each point is converted into vouchers that can be redemmed for entry into all sorts of places be they “quite” ones or not. All you have done is help the enemy my friend so stop crying like a 3 year old and use this blog as your very own “quiet place”.
Andy
:oP
When our Litlte Boy was 3. We went to New York, Milan, Marbella, Hong Kong, Bangkok all without the pain and hassle you’ve described. He was perfectly at home in the Exec Lounges in the 5* hotels that we were in. No screaming and no tantrums. I think the game boy advance helped…
Jokalew - you are not one of the american parents I am referring to in that case. Kudos to you.
Andy - I want in on this action.
Scott, the clue is in the name…Americans. I think massive doses of preservatives and other crap may also be to blame for you travails….