New Orleans residents have been forced to evacuate the city after the news that President Bush is to forego his appearance at the Republican Convention in order to ‘help the city of New Orleans face the hurricane.’
Hordes of city-dwellers immediately ran out of their homes and headed for the hills on hearing the news. “Last [...]
New Orleans residents flee President Bush
A pregnant pause for Sarah Palin, Governor of Alaska
Sarah Palin has been named as John McCain’s running mate in his battle for the Presidency of the United States. She is Pro-Life and by some accounts pro-creationism. As a republican she is also a crusader against the scourges of modern society such as unwed mothers and is a huge fan of abstinence.
Her 17 year-old [...]
Word ‘hero’ to be redefined to include people who can run a bit
Collins, the makers of the famous Oxford English Dictionary, have announced that the word ‘hero’ is set to be given a wider definition in the next edition. The change has been in response to BBC Coverage of the Olympic Games.
‘Yeah sure there are people risking their lives for others on an almost daily basis, but [...]
Lord Coe wins gold in Lowering Expectation event
Lord Coe, chairman of the London Olympics has taken gold along with teammate Boris Johnson in the Lowering Expectations event.
Through their tireless work at press conferences the world is now convinced that London 2012 will be dull, pedestrian and a bit of a shambles.
“We are so proud” said Lord Coe, 58, “Getting recognition of this [...]
This is why the Japanese won’t ever get to host the olympics
Playing football whilst wearing binoculars. Beats synchronised swimming in my eyes.
Olympic Medals revealed to have magical properties
In a stunning breakthrough, UK scientists have shown that Olympic Medals have curious properties when collected in large batches. Effects include the disappearance of Human Rights Issues and the ability to cause depression in Australians.
“We looked at the large haul of medals that the Brits got this year and discovered that it caused the media [...]
Windows 7 system ‘nothing like’ Macintosh System 7 says Ballmer
Microsoft have disputed claims that Windows 7, the proposed follow up to Vista, is anything like the Macintosh system launched in 1991.
‘For starters it won’t run on a Mac (unless it’s one of those dual boot things)’ said CEO Steve Ballmer ‘ We are building an all-in one monitor and hard drive to house the [...]
Simon Cowell has an amazing voice
I read this week that Simon Cowell promised there will be ‘no funny business’ in this new series of The X Factor. but already I seem to have caught him out.
Aside from the hilarity that is Simons claim to music industry fame (Teletubbies, Robson and Jerome, Mr Blobby etc) there was some distinct ‘funny business’ [...]
London 2012 Olympics ‘will use CGI’ – Seb Coe
Sebastian Coe, chairman of the London Organising Committee for the Olympic Games, has said that his team has learned lessons from the controversy surrounding the use of Computer Generated Imagery (CGI) during the Beijing Olympics and promises to be open and honest about their inclusion in the London 2012 games.
Coe,52, said ‘We think it was [...]
